If you guys know me then you know I have to give information away, I love helping people too much not to give away information. I feel information is free and deserves to be given away as often as possible so here is my favorite lesson from the entire program! This is the part of the program most related to eliminating insecurities! I posted this on a forum and some how got a review back so I added it to the bottom of the lesson so you can see how effective this exercise alone can be! A large part of the influence of this particular lesson is Eckhart Tolle.
There are still a few subscriptions available for FREE in exchange for reviews of the program. Positive in the form of testimonials and Negative in the form of constructive criticism! Email me to reserve a free subscription at Victor@TheScienceofNaturalGame.Com
Without further adieu here is lesson 18 of the True Core Self-Confidence program!
Lesson 18: Do you realize you’re being controlled? – Understanding the Ego
To walk around with an ego is a bad thing. To have confidence in yourself is a great thing.
Spiritual Ego vs. True Core Confidence: Understanding and Distinguishing the Differences
It is interesting how many people seem to misunderstand self-confidence and the ego. The ego is something I had to learn about and really a lot of people seem to have this idea that the ego is your self-confidence. This is because your ego can make you feel confident, but as the ego is really just a false center your self-confidence is false and thus you never actually have self-confidence. You have a “negative experience” and it influences how you feel and more importantly how you feel about yourself.
What is the (Spiritual) ego?
Anytime there is a struggle between doing what is actually right and doing what seems right, then your ego is interfering with your decision.
-Darren L. Johnson
The ego is a sense of self we gain based on our perceptions of others’ perception of us. The ego is you worrying about others’ perception of you or feeling others should worry about yours.
Story of a Spiritual Ego (fictional)
Once upon a time there was an actor, he worked really hard he had a dream of having millions of fans, having a huge house and being in a big hit movie. The whole time he is dreaming of that love, that attention, “Once I make it big so many people will love me, I’ll have girls all over me.” He tried to get in touch with the right people constantly putting effort into “making it big”. His desire is driven by lust for attention, his ego drives him.
Finally after a dozen small parts, and he gets a side kick gig, and finally he ends up co-starring. Finally after all that effort he’s HUGE. Guest stars on Jimmy Kimmel, Jay Leno, he has a million fans, his movie sold well over 100 million the first weekend. He’s made it and he loves the attention, free stuff, entry into VIP clubs.
What he doesn’t realize is he is the flavor of the month. His movies dry up; nobody wants to work with him anymore. He’s known as the a**hole that only has one acting style. He is not that funny anymore, lacks originality. Nobody cares about him anymore, there are no shows, no movies, and he ends up drinking a ton. Does his share of “white lines”, gets arrested. He has tons of people talking about him again finally. His ego is satisfied with his attention but he is still unhappy. NOBODY LOVES HIM ANYMORE!
He hates his life and feels like shit. He’s not getting his attention. The ego is saying I’ll get that attention I need it so bad to feel good about myself that I’d rather die than not have it. The reason he is unhappy now is he never really was happy with who he was he was happy with the love he received. He never valued himself; he valued other people’s opinion of himself.
How is this Ego?
The whole time the most important part to him isn’t the concept of making it but more from the concept of being loved, having attention. Having the approval of millions of people who tell you that you are the man has been your dream. This isn’t doing something for yourself but for the approval of others.
Examples of the Ego:
-Needing to gain the approval of others
-Worrying about rejection
-Worrying about what others think about you
-Needing to be the best you so others will love you
-Needing to be the center of attention
-Needing attention in general (dramatic people (“drama queens”))
-Updating your Facebook status every 2 hours to receive approval and love of others
-Needing someone to like your picture or your status or whatever random thought you have
What is Self-Confidence?
Self-Confidence is really an essence it is more than just one thing. It is self-assurance, self-love, and self-certainty, how you feel about yourself is completely independent of anyone else’s opinion of you. True Core Self-Confidence isn’t just you being good with women; True Core Self-Confidence is you being good at being you. True Core Self-Confidence is believing the brilliance you bring to this world and bringing that self-confidence in that world to every world.
Self-Confidence is about you having complete control of your frame of your being; it is your control of your mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional self. By complete I mean you have an understanding that nobody else influences your value but yourself. This is the ultimate feeling because you seek no one’s approval.
This is how I define self-confidence, the level it deserves to me because all it gives you and how so many times you are tricked by your ego thinking you are confident.
A Story of Confidence
Yesterday I went to work and my job is to direct a front end full of employees and customers. Some people come in and unfortunately they may not feel well or sometimes they had some unfortunate events happen, so they take out their emotions on us over the smallest of things. Some of them will really lay into you.
In this case I was offering to check him out through a lane because my customer lines were too long. I’m very aware of my tone, and body language, I know what I do most of the time. Part of my job is being friendly and bringing up the morale of my crew and the customers.
He responded by telling me I was pushy. “You are too pushy, you are horrible at your job you should be fired.” I apologized to him and told him my intentions weren’t to seem pushy but to be helpful.
He responded with “You aren’t sorry, you are just saying that.” Again I reaffirmed that I wasn’t trying to come across that way. Then I walked away, it didn’t appear I was going to change his attitude of me.
Unfortunately I needed to reappear one more time and to my astonishment he had more to say. “You are too pushy. Who is your manager? I want to talk to him. There is no reason you should be so pushy.”
I responded “I am the manager in charge of the front end sir. I am responsible for running a friendly front end. I apologize that I came across that way. If you’d like I can page my manager above me up here (I reached for the phone) and you can talk to her about my behavior.”
He responded “You are an idiot. I can’t believe you are a manager. You don’t know anything or how to treat people. I’m never coming back here; I’m going to report you to Kim.” (Can you see all the “I” ego talk?)
Note: Kim is an associate that works for me.
All I did was smile at him “Thank you sir. Would you like me to call up my manager and so you can explain everything to her about my behavior?” At this point I had the phone off the hook was ready to speak over the intercom. He was very upset, I hadn’t lost my cool. His only goal seemed to be to piss me off but my frame wasn’t influenced by him. He was very upset that he couldn’t get under my skin. I don’t take it personal something else is going on in his life, he is taking it out on me. He needed to do this and frankly I don’t mind if someone blows off some steam on me. It doesn’t affect how I feel about myself.
I watched his eyes as he searched for what he would say to my manager. What could he say? I am very good with my words; I’ve been doing my job for years (at least this part). I know what to say so that I don’t come across as offensive, between everything I’ve studied, management training, experiences, and customer service training I have a pretty good idea how to talk to people. This guy simply was on edge, his attitude changed his perception of me. He realized there was nothing bad he could say about me and said “I’ll give you another chance. Maybe you’ll be nicer next time.” I thanked him and said have a good day.
Note: He came back today to poke at me. It was actually pretty funny as I said nothing to him since I was off the clock and would rather go home then listen to him.
Update: He came back a third day and apologized for his behavior and said “You were very good to me considering my behavior thank you. You were just trying to be a good guy.”
Why this was Self-Confidence?
My self-confidence allowed me not to take this persons behavior personally. Plenty of people would be very upset if someone called them an idiot. That is fine, I don’t enjoy being called an idiot but at the same time I understood he needed to get under my skin. Feed his ego by pissing me off but like I said I don’t take behavior personally I understand most of the time it is an outside source influencing their mind and emotions and thus their perception of reality. To him I really was pushy that is how he perceived me (perhaps I was but I approach people pretty systematically normally).
The Ego part of Me
I won’t lie I still have an ego, but I’m aware of this. That part of me enjoyed the fact that he was getting annoyed with me not reacting, then I became aware and realized damn it, ego got me again.
-Being willing to go up and talk to a girl, her response to you doesn’t affect how you feel (positive or negative – getting her number doesn’t make you feel better about yourself, likewise getting rejected doesn’t make you feel worse about yourself)
-Holding your frame regardless of outside influence: Emotional, Spiritual, Mental, and Physical
-You are assured and certain of yourself
-You love who you are
-You are comfortable being who you are
-You hold your own high value opinion of yourself and no one changes your opinion of yourself
-You know who you are and where you are going
-You are decisive and certain of those decisions
-You don’t need the approval of anyone else but yourself as you understand your mind is your reality
People ask well how do I “get self-confidence”? It’s not easy, in fact it requires constant work because the ego is always lurking and waiting to take over. You have to constantly be bettering yourself. You took a great step in starting to implement all of these self-confident habits. This is a huge key, not reading the habits but actually implementing them and working on bettering yourself.
-You have to constantly be doing it all for YOU, not to “look” better.
-You don’t work out to be more attractive, you work out because it makes you feel better.
-You don’t eat healthy to lose weight so people will think you are better looking for their approval, you do it because it makes you feel good.
-You don’t do things because they get you the approval of others; you do it because you enjoy it.
-You do things because they are an alignment with who you are.
Self-Confidence is all about bettering yourself for you and no one else. This takes a minute because we have been trained our whole life to “worry about what other people think of you”. “Do you realize what you look like?” “Do you realize what people think of you?” We are taught to seek approval learning to adjust your mindset takes a lot of conscious effort in multiple worlds. If you continue to follow the tasks in this course and make them habit you’ll be on your way to True Core Self-Confidence.
The Difference between Confidence and the Ego
The difference between self-confidence and the ego is simply happiness and comfort with who you are based on your own opinion of yourself vs. being happy and comfortable when you have the approval of others. The two aren’t even on the same page. They aren’t even in the same ball park, but lots of people seem to think “oh man I had sex 5 girls this month. I can’t believe it” is showing self-confidence. It’s when you had sex with 5 girls in a month and it not even mattering. You simply did it because you enjoyed it, if you hook up no one knows, after all it is nobody else’s business but yours and you didn’t do it for attention.
Self-Confidence is happiness, ego is misery. One is within your control the other controls you. The ego will own your self-confidence and until you get it under control and realize what it does to you, it will control you. The ego is one of the more difficult things to deal with because it is hard to confront, while self-confidence can be felt from the ego it isn’t what makes you self-confident. It isn’t what gives you True Core Self-Confidence; you build your confidence by investing yourself.
Controlling the Ego
As I said the ego is always there lurking willing and wanting attention (the Egos life force, its food). It is there whether you want it or not. We all have an ego, and I’m no different. My ego is there though manageable I certainly realize it can be a problem at certain times. Egos exist in us and even your denying your ego is feeding your ego.
Be sure to be humble in your ways, and not to just be humble. The ego isn’t humble; the ego enjoys being called humble. That attention of being humble and honest, being a great person, this all feeds the ego, and not your self-confidence.
The only way to control the ego is to watch it, you don’t drop it. You become Ego-Aware and you avoid feeding it. You starve it to death, you don’t suffocate it. You become aware and slowly but steadily it leaves you, but you certainly don’t say I’m rid of my ego. Otherwise I would have said that a long time ago. You let go during those moments when you are being driven by needing the approval of others.
Thank you guys for your support on this program I am excited about hearing some of the preliminary results of the program have been phenomenal.
Peace and Love,
P.S. Here is a screen shot of what one person said after trying this and only this exercise from the program after I posted it on a forum. Unfortunately the original thread got shut down but this was posted to review the exercise after a month or so out of the blue: