So on Friday night I went out for the first time in a while, been working a lot of 9-5s and honestly I haven’t felt to obligated to go out. My buddy was moving away and this was his going away party. So me and a couple of buddies decided to go hang out. I just wanted to say good bye maybe capitalize on some opportunities.
While I was there was two guys that were obviously out to get laid, whether they were natural or learned they were pick up artist. They made their rounds at the bar, talking to about every sexy dame in the area. This pub had a decent hot girl count especially considering how many people were there, so there were quite a few guys looking to chat up some girls but these guys were all business. They were literally going up to every attractive woman in the bar; I give them mad respect for their confidence.
These were good looking guys with high confidence and they certainly felt they deserved to talk to any woman they were attracted to but from my perspective they had no clue when it came to gauging the situation.
These women almost always started off attracted to these guys, they started with preens, eye contact, smiles, even some submissive signals but the guys came on far too strong. If you want to pick up a woman you want to be the properly responsive man and this means not overstepping your boundaries at an uncomfortable pace.
These guys were all about physical escalation, reminded me of 60 years of challenge, and I’m a big fan of 60 Years of Challenge, he has some great tips throughout his books but I just don’t see how you can possibly have a success percentage if you aren’t gauging (calibrating in the community) the situation. You stepping in close early is very good, it starts allowing for that sexual tension but too much to fast means her friend is going to come save her, or she is going to go running. These guys may not know who 60 years of challenge were but they certainly were practicing his tactics of escalate and allow for that tension early on.
These are the mistakes they made:
-Stepping in early is fine but once the woman can’t handle it and looks tremendously uncomfortable retreat back. Remember courtship is a game of push and pull. These guys were playing the game, they were chatting about mundane topics while not stepping back when the woman could bear it no longer.
-They didn’t look like they were having fun, everything was business. How can a woman be attracted to a guy when he treats fucking her like a business. Yeah sometimes a woman will love this but more often than not in a natural courtship environment it will feel wrong to them.
–Moving her away from her friends. One woman dealt with it for a long time and all he had to do is say “you know this is kind of uncomfortable standing too close like this, can we go over here and talk.” If he would have done this it would have isolated, made her more comfortable and built on that initial attraction well (reading her mind).
-Touched too much too soon. You can touch a woman early on and you can be cool but if she is not attracted to you yet it maybe touchy or creepy as some women may refer to you. If you sit there and keep touching before she shows signs of attraction you are being incredibly creepy. It’s fine to add some innocent touch here and there but until she begins to reciprocate you may want to hold back for a moment.
-Torso direction was too direct. You want the angle too seem more neutral, his space factor would have been fine if he would have angled his torso away from her a little. You want to makes sure you don’t face her too much too soon or you are showing more interest than her. You are showing you care more than her and thus placing her above you with your body language. Your goal is to begin to face her at the same pace she faces you, soon enough you guys will be completely facing each other. If you want to play push pull face her torso directly and intently while she talks and then turn away here and there too ease up and let her get comfortable. You don’t want her to feel threatened but you do want tension to build and this means facing her directly here and there.
-Worked too much of the room too fast. As I said these guys were all business they weren’t having too much fun but the worst part was they were walking from girl to girl with no break in between. How high do you think their value appeared when it was obvious they weren’t succeeding and then just moving along to get shot down by the next one? Pretty poorly, they had low value before they got to some women because they didn’t make it natural, they forced it. I admire their short-term memory but you should work the room throughout the course of a couple hrs and not in 30 minutes.
These guys had a lot I admired about them. Their confidence and their fearless attitude were awesome but they didn’t calibrate and this was their flaw. They should have realized all their tools were for certain situations and they weren’t using them at the right situation. They also should have flirted more rather than asking questions like “where you from?” “what brought you here?” it wasn’t an interaction that was entertaining it was a straight interview.
If you guys want to do good with women take on that confidence and that fearless attitude but learn to read a woman’s attraction and comfort level, sometimes her discomfort is a part of her attraction other times it is you coming on way too strong. Be the responsive man and your success rate with women will increase substantially because you will be reacting to her, you will be playing the game. I’m not at all saying she won’t be ready for it 5 minutes later but sometimes you do have to wait that 5 minutes before you get too direct or stand too close.
Peace and Love