Attraction, Body Language, Courtship

Space and Body Language -Reading Attraction and Interest by Distance

Space is something a lot of body language books ignore (although none of the good ones do). Space is ignored a lot of times because it seems simple and it truly is. What gets done in that space is just as important as the amount of space you have. Space is the untold escalation.

I need to start with a few thoughts, so you guys understand how space may not change but the intensity may become higher.

Context

Just like the rest of body language always remember context. If you are in a huge party and this chick is pushing up on you it may merely mean the room is crowded. If however you are at a party where space isn’t an issue and she stands near she is being drawn to you. Space just like everything else must follow the body language guidelines.

Torso

Your torso and which way it faces can change the exact message. If you are standing next to a woman you can be 2 inches away and it’s no big deal, you are in that intimate zone already. If however you are facing her with your torso 2 inches away it feels far more intense, it is far more direct.

Go walk up to a friend directly and stand in front of him/her facing them as an experiment. They will feel threatened or if it is a woman attracted give you a little sexual tension. If however you walk up and stand 2 inches away from your friend next to them you gain access to the intimate zone but you aren’t threatening them in fact in a lot of cases they don’t even realize you are next to them in their intimate zone.

Eye Contact

Eye contact is very cultural in some areas it’s rude to make eye contact and in others rude not to. My thoughts on eye contact are we gain a special connection from it. I believe in strong eye contact if only to build a connection. Eye contact intensifies everything from sex to communication to standing close or far, eye contact truly changes the value of any nonverbal behavior.

With eye contact you can stand further and feel closer, simply by facing your torso toward them. Try this out: Go to a group of people you know chatting and pick one person out and face them making strong eye contact and copy their body language. It will feel as if you guys are close even if you are 8 feet away. As you close that distance the tension becomes higher and higher with eye contact, so keep in mind the closer you stand the less eye contact you give INITIALLY unless you move closer eye contact never stopping, then you are simply building up sexual tension. If she looks away she can’t handle the tension yet.

If you want to build sexual tension while walking up to a woman who has already sent a bit of approach cues never take your eyes off hers walking toward her with a smirk or smile on your face and walk directly up to her. Especially if guys have been nonverbally flirting for a few minutes (making eyes, raising brows, winking, etc.) you can directly approach her with strong eye contact walking straight up to her the key is not breaking eye contact or the tension doesn’t build, walk up close to her and put out your hand to introduce yourself in a confident manner (even whispering your introduction into her ear). With this technique you are purposely going into her intimate zone early to build tension since there is already attraction, and then you back off taking away the tension, or just in general playing take away (taking yourself away from her).

On to Space

When you think of space with people think of them more like magnets if they are the negative to our positive or positive to our negative they get pulled together. When we are attracted we pull ourselves closer to that person. Why wouldn’t we? We want to be close to them on multiple levels. So a basic way to tell if someone is attracted is to look at how close they are getting or trying to get.

Space is very simple there are 4 different zones:

Intimate Space – Very close it is less than 18 inches to touch, for some of us it is 24 inches.

Personal Space – This is also reserved for people we like, 4 feet or below.

Social Space – This is 12 feet or closer, sounds far but 12 feet is actually closer than you realize during a conversation.

Public Space – This is 25 or closer.

Note: You should realize about space and that these space figures are general guidelines, some people need more space for comfort and some less. People from large metropolitan areas are known for needing less space, their social space is 2 feet or less. I have had people stand 6 inches away from me incredibly comfortably (I wasn’t).

(Stand closer with touch adds more intimacy)

So if we are attracted (especially sexually) to someone we are going to definitely try to place ourselves in the personal or intimate space. Look for women to get in this area even if it is in a nonthreatening way such as standing or sitting next to you. Remember women have a much better natural understanding of body language so they will understand how to sneak in under the radar. You can learn a lot about seduction by thinking about what a seductive woman does to get a guy.

Look for the torso to lean in to close the distance. This is a subtle signal but it is closing the distance, it is leaning toward what you are most attracted to.

Intent actions in Open Space

Sometimes a woman attracted to a man will do intent actions, these are relatively simple but basically what happens is she attempts to close the space and even show her want or intention to touch by reaching out to you. Her hands reach towards you while you or she talks, they happen far more often then you realize. A lot of woman yearning for intimacy or affection let their hands reach towards what they are attracted to closing the distance even by actions of mere intent.

Escalating by Way of Space

There are three ways to escalate when it comes to space. We have already touched on all of them.  I’m not going to go into eye contact as you should already realize how strong eye contact escalates how the distance feels whether that is far or close.

Direct

When it comes to space you may have already penetrated that intimate zone, you are already standing/sitting beside them in that intimate zone. It’s very nonthreatening but it also isn’t nearly as sexual as you would like it to be. So if you are in that intimate zone you will likely need to start to face her, this may mean backing up a little (2-3 feet) and beginning to face her.

After she is comfortable enough and the torsos begin to lean in (subconscious distance closing) it’s on like Donkey Kong.

Another thing you can do is when you are standing next to each other you can also reach down and grab her hand with strong enough attraction; this will help build the sexual tension without you starting to directly face her.

Too Far

If you are already facing her your next step is to get closer, to get into that intimate zone. Start by leaning in, if necessary take baby steps perhaps neutralizing a little by facing away (if she leans away or shows a strong negative reaction). Try to avoid going too slow, personally I think it’s better to be bold, it shows confidence, step towards her silently when you guys are facing (obviously you want attraction first, and a connection if you follow my Big 3). When she gets quiet just let the tension build with strong eye contact and just go for it, the kiss, the hug, or whatever.

Space Summary

Space is the simplest way to escalate; you can build strong sexual tension without touch simply by making strong eye contact, facing each other, and getting closer and closer. This doesn’t mean I recommend going without touch, touch is a special connection and I recommend using every tool in your social cabinet. However as an experiment when you detect attraction from a woman try building sexual tension without touching her, hell you can even say out loud “I read somewhere that two people who are very attracted to each other can build a lot of tension without touching by simply facing each other, getting closer, and making eye contact.” You can play with it and say it anyway you like, but just find a way to see if she’ll let you try. Sometimes all you need is a silent moment when you guys have a connection and eye contact; she will understand what’s happening and be fine with it.

Love and Peace

Vic

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About Science of Natural Game

I understand what it’s like to be that guy who struggles with women. I was god awful with women, I not once but twice went multiple years without sex, and I promise it wasn’t by choice. Ignorance played a large role in my issues with women, if I would have known now back in the days my dating life would have never slouched. I got desperate for affection with women, I wished I could have more. I read those pick up manuals, I read books by scientists on courtship. I went out and experienced what worked for me, and what “worked for others”. I found a process that makes every man skilled with women. I realized something else, yeah some of this stuff might work for some guys but we are all a little different and that’s a good thing… what I say may not be what you say, but there is a simple science and process to getting good with women and if you follow this process you will indeed be happy with your abilities with women. The most important thing for me is for you to be you, I don’t want to change who you are, I want you to love who you are, I want you to understand who you are, and I want you to be happy about all of it. I won’t ask you to dress up in peacocking outfit, I’ll ask you to be the most attractive guy by giving you skills and assets. Being you will be the peacock, will get you the attention of beautiful women. Most guys will simply tell you what to say and that will get you laid… but what happens when I am not here to tell you what to say? When what I have to say feels bland and not quite you? I don’t want you to be anyone else but you, the best you and the Man you want to be. I won’t tell you what to say, I’ll teach you to have a conversation. I won’t lie to you, I’ll tell you how it is and give you the facts. I won’t say it to be mean, I will say it for you to grow and become your best you with women and for you. I want you to be honest, knowledgeable, and sexy, and you will be when I’m done with you. Knowledge is power, and honesty is sexy…. I am not asking you to be anyone else, after all everyone else is already taken. If you need help or support with anything I am here, because I care about you. I want you to be a great, I want you to be all you can be. I want you to be your best self and that means I am here to support you in all your endeavors in life, not just with women but living the life you want… if you want to travel let’s figure out how, if you want to dance let’s teach you, if it’s weight loss let’s figure it out, if you want to surf let’s get you on a board, let’s give you the life you want and dream about, to let you be the you dream of being. I feel there is a process to getting women and more importantly getting good with women, it’s a science and if you follow the process it will work for you. Science isn’t about what’s true, as the truth is merely a perception science is the process we conclude will give us results… that’s what I give guys – results, the ability to get the women that will make them happy and help them live the life they love. Peace and Love, Vic

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