Whoops accidental publish.
When it comes to building rapport through words it’s the same holds true as the rest you try and be like them by matching the tone of their voice, this could be a gentle tone, a flirtatious tone, etc.
You also want to match the speed, if you are talking at the same or a similar speed it helps you guys fall into sync. You want to be on the same page as them and that means not talking slower or faster than them but at the same pace, it seems pretty basic but you’d be surprised how often people don’t pay attention to how out of sync they are from simply the speed of your voice.
You do want to talk at the same decibel level as them, this means talking at a level that isn’t too loud. You don’t want to sound as if you are yelling at someone in an intimate moment. If she is whispering in your ear, you simply whisper back. Note: I tend to use a slightly lower voice so that a woman comes to me in some environments anyways.
Is she Auditory, Visual, or Kinesthetic?
When a person talks they tend to say words that tell you a lot about the NLP system they are in. If a woman is a visual person she might say “I see what you are saying” or “I can see that.” If a person is kinesthetic they might say “I feel you” or “That’s solid” things you feel instead of see or hear. An auditory person might say “I hear that” or “That sounds crazy.” The easiest way to connect with them verbally is to capitalize on whatever system they are in. So when you talk to someone in that system you say it like they would. “I see your point.” “I understand how you feel.” “I hear what you are saying.” This is a simple thing but it is something that is hard to pay attention to, it can be used to build any relationship but is especially good during courtship as it helps show you connect and speak directly to them.
Repeating their words
Some of us have certain catch phrases or use certain words. I say a lot of very different phrases but if I come across a woman that has a certain habit of using a word I would use it too, this helps make us similar. If a woman says “that is hella crazy” uses hella a lot, I might adapt that into my vocabulary for a little bit to help connect. If she uses the word like I might use like a little more, that said I also might poke fun at their use of the word so that I can use the word and get a smile. It helps build rapport and shows I am paying attention to them.
Note: Don’t overuse the word or this tactic loses its’ value, just use the word they are using more often than you normally would
Saying their Name
This again is an age old tactic, the most beautiful word we hear is our own name. Our own name is something we love to hear, our mother called is it as babies. It evokes a certain response (with the correct pronunciation and tone), I can’t really describe it but as I already said we love the sound our own name. Again don’t over use it.
Using You and We over I
There is something you will notice about certain people. Leaders and confident people tend use the words You and We more often, whereas followers or sheep tend to use the word I more often. Using words like You and We over I speaks more directly to them and thus helps build a connection. Dr. Pennebaker explains how you can tell if there will be date just based off of speech pattern.
We is especially good because we means you guys are doing it together. “We should walk outside and continue this conversation.” “We should go grab a drink.” They are inclusive words and they couple you guys already even if you aren’t already a couple. It’s very important to understand that words tell us something about someone on a subconscious level, what and how a person says something usually gives us a feeling. That feeling is normally what we associate with that person and thus we can like or hate someone based merely off voice.
Wrapping it Up
Connecting with someone is very simple it is as simple as being like that person: sounding, feeling, acting, body language, etc. When we listen we build a connection and when we talk we build attraction, this means that we may start out talking to build attraction but in order to advance courtship, to build a connection, you need to learn to be a man that listens. This is how close the deal versus opening the deal, opening is as easy as being open, available, and attractive, closing is “a whole ‘nother can of worms” that requires a connection and some sexual tension.