To All those actual Fans,
So I sent my biggest crush a Facebook message and I’m not sure how it came across, I’m not normally someone who does this shit but since I know a lot of my actual followers are women I would certainly appreciate your opinion on what I wrote and her response. I rarely fall into the trap crushing on women I can’t have, I’m a pretty guarded guy I tend to keep myself away from woman because I know in the end I am a romantic and I really don’t want to get hurt, as I have said before “My greatest fear is my greatest desire, love.”
This is my Oneitis woman, I am having trouble getting over her. As I said I can get dozens of other woman but what the fuck, hell got a kiss and a number tonight, plus an offer to fuck. I got probably the best looking and dopest chick’s number on Friday I have ever had, a sexy bartender(S), but in reality I am terrified that I will crush on this woman as hard as I have P.
S is sexy, she is dope and I use to have a huge crush on this girl, she is a 11 in a sea of 8s(just like P), as I like to put it she is a woman I know I am good enough from a “I am who I am” stand point, but if you met her you would certainly think she was out of my league for looks. I no longer feel this way, I am certainly good enough for a woman of this caliber but I still am having trouble getting over P, she is dope and I have never been around a woman like this, it almost hurts (it does). Well let me know what you think of what I said. Thanks for your advice in advance. Keep in mind I use to kick with this woman 3 and 4 times a week and was cool, had other chicks around but one day I didn’t care for any other woman(still don’t).
I have an obvious confession to make, I’ve been avoiding you. I am sorry, you are a brilliant beautiful awesome woman, and the obvious result is I have gained a huge crush on you. It’s not in my nature to puss out like this but I have to avoid you so that my feelings for you can die.
I understand there is no possibility for a future between us, I’m cool with that, but this is also why I have to do my own thing. I can’t be around you while you are out flirting with other guys or on the phone talking to them flirting. I can’t help you do sex stretches like I did the last time I seen you, all that shit fucks me up a little doll. I hope you can understand why it would. I don’t blame you, you are a single woman, do your thing. Just understand that it’s my issue and I need to sort this shit out before we can kick it on the regular again.
You have stolen a lot of my confidence, my thoughts, and given me some irregular heart beats, this is the first time in a long time I haven’t had a chance at a woman I like. So don’t take this personal, take this as me understanding you don’t want more from me, and me needing to be over you.
You are a cool dish, and I do want to kick it in the future but I hope you understand that if there is no opportunity for someone a person likes it is hard to be around them. It’s hard to see you flirting with all those guys, it’s hard to hear about it, you are on the prowl so do what you do just give me time to sort out my own shit.
I hope you are understanding about this stuff, don’t feel guilty or anything, it’s on me and when I get myself sorted it out I can be Victor again, instead of the low confidence guy I was falling back into. I told J (her best friend and my good friend), I didn’t want tell you because you have been so adamant about me being Sean’s (her ex) friend and you are so against dating an ex’s friend. I figured you’d be upset with me that I gained feelings so I’ve been keeping them suppressed, I couldn’t do it anymore, I just have to let them die.
I wanted to tell you in person that it was fucking me up, but I realized I would be fucked up all over again. Doing this through text felt wrong, I just needed to be able to let you know what’s up with me. And I have to admit this is hard enough for me, I don’t pour out my feelings very often, I keep myself guarded for a reason. Please be understanding.
Sorry for putting this on you, don’t feel guilty, just give me some time and I’ll be cool. You know me I’ll get over it, just need some time. I will be looking forward to kicking with you in the future though.
Stay up Doll,
Her response was:
😦 just know I have nothing but love for you Victor. Please take care and try not to be a total stranger.
What the fuck does that mean? She didn’t exactly say she didn’t have feelings and as a guy who understands attraction I know she is attracted to me. She is, I’ve seen the preens, the lean in, the her denying me consciously but not subconsciously. My biggest regret is asking for a ride rather than paying a cab, her and I would have hooked up without my buddy there, but my own emotions and attraction are really fucking me up. She didn’t deny me with that statement but at the same time she didn’t say “Hey Vic you are a cool cat and I think someone will make you happy but I ain’t in to you, take as long as you need.” No to me this seems almost a cop out like, “Hey I wish you would have said this sooner” but you know I am an optimist. I just seemed to give her so many get out of jail free cards that’s all I got. I know she supposedly started seeing a guy a week and a half back but I feel like a woman not into me gives me more excuses not less. I feel like she tries to let me down easy when a woman who truly cares about me as person but doesn’t want me as more, instead she just basically avoided everything I said and gave nothing back, is it an afraid response or a it’s cools take time response?
Please folks give some advice, as it stands I’m playing the disappearing act. I am hanging out with a few other women and and looking to get some, then maybe I can be around her and it won’t matter. Is this an immature standpoint or is this the stand point I need when she won’t let me be with her?