This Article has been Published into the book Secrets of Dance Floor Seduction by Skills
You know someone asked me this question and it is a very good question. What is your open to close ratio? Well I honestly have no clue, I am not sure what you would consider an open. I talk to so many people that a conversation is merely another part of my day. Should it be considered an open when I notice the near by attracted woman and say “hi”? From my perspective that can certainly be considered an open. The fact that I walk through a store and glance at something a woman may happen to be purchasing and make a random comment “just because” is an open. However I just talk to women, I don’t hit on them, I flirt, I joke, but I don’t really “open” women in a way that is any less than natural.
There is no pressure when I open a woman, the comment usually gets a rebuttal but there is no pressure to give one. Sometimes the response is merely strong eye contact, a smile and/or giggle, and a preen. How long could that take? Less than a second, and all you got really was an initial attraction que. From there you need to build more with more light hearted low pressure, FUN, and interesting conversation.
Most of my courtship process seems to be natural, I don’t want to cheapen the possibility of me meeting a woman who could be my future with it being the same thing over and over. I don’t care to make any part of the process a manipulation or routine. I am a bit of a romantic and I find it demeaning to romance, humanity, and courtship to say the same thing to every woman you run into. “Can I get your opinion on…” Who cares? I understand the approach it makes sense, it works. Have you ever thought how maybe just maybe the good guy does alright with some additional flirty behavior and a side of confidence? If you want to fuck everything in sight I understand but sleeping with tons of women won’t make you happy. If you aren’t already happy you won’t be happy after.
Is it weird that I don’t go around opening women left and right? I give all this advice to men on women, I can tell you tons about them. However I don’t go out and just talk to woman after woman, I enjoy talking to people. I don’t just walk around and say “did you see that fight outside?” It isn’t about picking up 100s of women for me.
My interactions are just saying things like “hey how you doing?” They are natural, “what you drinking?” Well with more pizazz than that but the same basic statement. Common natural little conversations why? Because the nice guy doesn’t finish last, the confident responsive guy finishes first. So what is the formula for a great hook opening?
Natural + Confidence + Nonthreatening + Witty + Spontaneous + Situational + Interesting =The Perfect Opening
So what do I mean by natural? When I say natural I mean a conversation shouldn’t be started with something manufactured, it should feel natural. I understand why using canned openers can be helpful it makes sense to me. Most of them are nonthreatening and indirect so they take the pressure off the conversation. Plus it isn’t you getting denied, it’s the system. However they aren’t natural. I’ve read several times about how canned openers become natural. I do agree it can feel natural to say something you say all the time.
A natural conversation starts with ease. It’s not as if you were planning to talk, it’s just something that happens. You don’t put pressure on the conversation to be more and that is one of the keys to it being natural. You look at it for what it is two people just talking. Could there be an attraction there? Yes, but does it honestly matter when there are literally 100s of millions of attractive women out there? Don’t put pressure on the conversation for it to be between two people looking to become more. This is a common mistake, talk to a woman like it is natural to just have a conversation for you and with you.
If you want to appear different than most guys, walk up with confidence. Not many guys are confident, that alone sets you apart. If you don’t have confident body language you can watch Alpha Series Video or read my Alpha Behaviors Blog. If you stand confident you will begin to feel confident but you must also work on yourself. I suggest you finding a book on confidence if you don’t already have confidence, 59 seconds by Wiseman is one of the better self-help books. Firmly rooted in science it’s a solid read.
Confident people are comfortable in most situations, it’s very important to be comfortable when talking to women. People tend to reflect our nonverbal behavior, so if you show yourself to be uncomfortable they will be uncomfortable around us. If you tend to be comfortable they will reflect it.
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I highly recommend you starting a conversation with nonthreatening body language. This means you should be smiling. Smiling makes you look friendly and more attractive. We tend to reciprocate what faces people send us, so if you want a smile give a smile. Smiles make it easy as well and make us feel comfortable. When you talk with a smile it also makes your voice sound more nonthreatening.
Your arms, hands, and legs should be open. You don’t want to put barriers up or look upset or closed off. It can make you appear unfriendly or threatening. So keep your arms open. Hands and palms should be open and exposed. You also want to make sure your stance is open and neutral.
Keep your distance when you open, you don’t want to start in the intimate zone and crowd them. You can easily become the creepy guy if you invade space. You should make sure to stay at least a couple feet away. Obviously some situations don’t allow that but if you can start out giving them their space it can keep you a nonthreatening comfortable person to be around.
Don’t lean in with your torso or engage them to direct early on. Your body should be neutral while your head looks at them (eye contact) so that they know you are talking to them but you aren’t engaging them too directly. If you lean in or engage them to much you can be over responsive and a woman may not be prepared, she will think you are coming on to strong.
A light upper arm touch is optional, but if you are standing next to them while talking to them so you aren’t to direct (best not to look while you touch them or it becomes more intimate) you can be perceived as more attractive. Charismatic people are known for being more touchy. Your arms are longer than two feet so don’t worry you won’t be crowding them.
Note: In two studies a light upper arm touch got better results on how attractive a man appeared. One a guy would flat out ask a woman for her number and when he added a light upper arm touch to it doubled his results. Another was where they asked a woman to dance and it added a twenty something percent increase in them saying yes to a dance.
If you want to build comfort and attraction from the get go show some wit and humor in your opening. When you make someone smile with wit you come across as intelligent, we tend to find people who are funny more intelligent. It takes intelligence to process things quickly and respond with wit. If you have to gain some of your own personal catch phrases that are funny, different, and witty.
If you are looking over at something and just narrate a situation such as “Wow, look at that guy over there. Perhaps he’s coming on a bit too strong?”(While looking over at some guy picking up on a gal who looks uncomfortable). I never really thought of this but a lot of my humor is in my tone. You can use tone to your advantage to make something sound funny.
One of the most attractive features about men for women is a good sense of humor. A women loves a man with a good sense of humor so it is important that you make a woman laugh with some wit and humor. A key difference between the sexes is a good sense of humor for a woman is a guy who makes them laugh and a good sense of humor for a woman to have is to laugh at a mans jokes.
Spontaneous and natural are really very similar. The conversation should be spontaneous, it should be just random like you talk to everyone but the conversation with you is always spontaneous. You should be an abrupt change in the moment for her.
The reason I like situational is because it applies to spontaneous, my personal favorite situational openers are body language observations. When you look over at a woman and say something like “You are bit cold aye?” It feels natural for her to tell you how it feels, “oh yeah it’s freezing in here.” Than you can go a number of directions, I would respond with something along the lines of “I suppose it is a tid bit nippily in here.” It usually gets you a smile or a laugh that will make you look nonthreatening, more attractive, intelligent, fun, and interesting.
Other situational openers include using your environment to your advantage pointing at the guy who has hit on every woman at the bar and how he could do better(works for me for some reason). I might look at something unique about the place I’m at. “This place seems to be a bit of a meat market doesn’t it?” Guys are like vultures sometimes and a conversation can get started with ease merely by pointing it out.
Situational openers make a conversation more natural and you come across as just someone who is making random nonthreatening conversation. Your goal is to make conversation easy, situational is the best way it keeps the focus neutral but you guys both have it in common.
It is very important to start out interesting. How can you hook a woman if you aren’t interesting? That is why it isn’t always what you say but how you say it. It isn’t that I say “what’s up?” It’s that I say something like “What kind of crazy shenanigans are you up to?” It’s not just that I say “look at that guy over there he is crazy.” It’s how I say it.
I am proud of the fact that I have a unique diction. When you have a unique diction and you can express yourself using it you come across as interesting purely by using words differently. Having your own way to say things, I’ve had conversation with women online and was just talking to them and said something, than got a question mark. I said “well think of it with a “Victor style” to it” and she sent me “LOL oh yeah I can hear it now.” I have my own style, and it is sometimes missed.
A unique outlook on things is also a very interesting thing to have when you use a unique opening. When you look at an environment and point out something from a unique but true perspective people will take interest because you say things different. Even if they don’t agree they will tend to engage in a conversation involving a unique outlook.
The Perfect Opening
The reason I think this all adds up to the perfect opening is because when you start a conversation this way they don’t deny you, they find you nonthreatening, you make them smile, you keep it different, and interesting. The conversation feels natural, there is no pressure on the conversation. You are making it easy to engage and you aren’t some tool who has said the same thing as the last 3 guys.
I think when I start a conversation it is easy and not a big deal. When you have a conversation with a woman there should be no pressure to make it much more than it is, just a conversation. Guys seem to think it is a big ordeal to talk to a woman that is because they make it a big ordeal. It’s really not, it’s just a basic conversation where you can start out interesting, funny, and attractive from the get go. That is really how you hook a conversation.