Alright guys so lately I’ve had multiple people mentioning not being friend zoned. Recently I even went to a club and had a conversation with a young woman about it. I told her “I just love to laugh and joke around a little. That is how I met her. I would joke around when she would come in.” We were referring to one of the beautiful young woman she works with, I told her how I use to have a huge crush on her but never had confidence to do anything about it. She said “If you are this guy joking around and having fun don’t you have trouble being recognized as only a friend?” The answer is in the past that was completely true. So the question is what have I changed to avoid being in the friend zoned with every girl? Note: Since the majority of my followers are now women, I would like to ask for you guys to correct any thoughts I might have or even add some in the comments.
1. You make sure to display your self as sexually attractive to other women. You should be making sure to let them know many women are attracted to you, do not boast. More often then not our attraction is raised by popularity, it sucks but if her friend thinks you are attractive she is more likely to find you attractive. On the other hand they can also lower your value based off of their friend’s opinion. Social proof is a huge factor in attraction, nothing new, it’s been like this for millions of years. We want what they want. So if a ton of other women seem to be attracted it makes you more attractive in that light.
2. While I try not to advertise what I do sexually, I for damn certain let them know what I am capable of. I let them know I am very confident sexually. There is a lot of vagueness such as who and when but there are certainly moments when a conversation is about sex. I advertise my abilities, I am happy to say I have given multiple women over 20 orgasms in a session.
3. I have more then once asked a woman how to pull her hair(while doing it.) She corrects it(if I didn’t do it how she preferred) and becomes aroused(“sends chills” has been multiple women’s statements), hair pulling is anchored in to arousal in a lot of women. Or I grip their hips, I’m not saying every woman loves the hip grip, but I haven’t come across any woman who hasn’t enjoyed it. They say “it tickles,” I doubt that is the truth in some cases(though their mood seems to change their interpretation of what happened.)
4. I joke a lot about sex, and I will jokingly hit on them too. So I keep things light and sexual, not ridiculous and certainly not dirty. A good example is a woman recently said “I think I may get back with my ex-boyfriend.” My response was pretty forward “So I better make my move now.” She smiled and put her hand on me. You want to make sure they realize this isn’t about friendship. I’m not against friendship, two of my closest friends are women but I also understand the pitfalls of not being recognized as an attractive sexual mate with women you want more with.
5. Escalation is huge. I’d say escalation was by far my biggest problem, it was never that women weren’t attracted to me. It was that I never made a move so they gave up. I’d say anytime you have issue with having a ton of female friends and no sexual partners as a male you are likely an attractive person with no escalation skills.
The small things are noticed and important with women. You don’t want to be the guy putting your arm on their shoulder(this is what friends do), put your arm around their side. Hands on their waste, or rib cage. Touch their inner arm, even elbow lets them know intentions without being to sexual. Your goal is to touch intimate areas that aren’t too intimate. When you sit on the couch next to them put your hand on their leg, make sure their is touch involved.
6. Don’t give them their space once there is attraction, I mean don’t be over responsive and suffocating but certainly add in some shoulder bump flirting to enter her intimate zone. Opposite sex heterosexual friends rarely enter the intimate zone in the grand scheme of the relationship between male and female without some attraction. A good example when you are friends with a woman who is your friend’s wife, you don’t enter that intimate zone(18 inches to touch depending on the person.)
7. You can be honest and direct and say something like “I am not looking for friendship(showing body language about THIS situation), but if it comes along I won’t deny it.” It keeps pressure off of things without avoiding thoughts about more.
8. Don’t be scared to show your attraction, just make sure when you do you make them realize you are not intimidated or feel they are more attractive then you. That is why some guys can go direct, they don’t walk up pigeon toed, head down, and shoulder hiding their neck. Then look at the girl and say “you are really beautiful” while he looks at her feet. These guys walk up confidently make eye contact, and smile, say “You are beautiful” like it is no big deal. You are just as good but NOT BETTER then anyone else and treat each person as such.
9. Use the intimate eye gaze. The intimate eye gaze is where you go from eye to eye to lips. You can use it t to build up for a kiss. We usually mirror the person in front of us so they will sometimes repeat the same action building a lot of intimacy and tension.
10. You guys need to create the moment, not wait for it. Remember guys even if a woman is attracted to you if things never go anywhere she gives up. There is never going to be a “right time”, it’s you who creates the right time. You may think “oh it just wasn’t the right time.” Well you need to get on it, you need to do what you would do with any other woman you are attracted to, isolate her, build tension, and escalate.
After I say all this I want you guys to realize, if she is uncomfortable with your sexual behavior you are too late and stop immediately. There needs to be a certain amount of attraction for this to work. It doesn’t work without there being some attraction, so it is up to you to build some attraction. If you missed the deadline and she no longer sees you as a possibility in that light back off don’t make an ass of yourself. Don’t push things and become the creepy guy, just test things if there is more there is more. If it is too late there isn’t anything you can do, you will need to literally avoid her for at least a few months(sometimes longer depending on how close you are), then come back with a new attitude so you seem like a new more attractive person.