Sorry this one is a long one, it was a great opportunity to watch two guys go for one girl while she wanted neither of them by the end. This will contain information on what you can miss, and what is easy to miss. How just realizing you are not in sync with the person quite yet will tell you how likely you are to fulfill all 5 phases of the courtship process. It will be 4 parts. One blog is just way too long; I’ll keep putting them up over the next week.
Situation: We were taking a bus to the nearest gambling town an hour away in Nevada (I live in Utah). On the bus were two guys, both competing for their friend, a sexy super cute green eyed brunette. On the ride there both men were flirtatious and very open about their intentions to go after her, verbally and through actions.
She mentioned her current sexual frustration and that opened up the flood gates. My friend and I were seated in the second to the last seat. She was sitting in the middle of the two boys in the very last seat; there were three seats in the very back.
So on the bus ride out, I watched both guys trying to get on her, using touch but they both were using acts of perversion rather than intimacy. Their touches lacked confidence; hands never seem to be confident laid on her thigh. Water testing touches like a virgin trying to touch his girlfriend. We all do a little bit of this. Both guys would reach for her hand/wrist area. They were putting their arms around her. They were definitely shouting their intentions with all sorts of body language. You couldn’t miss this if you were blind, you’d hear it, if you were deaf you’d see it, it was very obvious what they wanted.
At first I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. She was accepting all of their touches, including touches to her ass, mid-section, and thighs, three sexual areas. She seemed to be comfortable with their touch. I was watching and she appeared attracted to both and that it was a friendly competition for the girl. You guys may start to notice girls who are sexual girls and are very comfortable and enjoy sexual attention even if they aren’t interested in the man sexually.
I couldn’t quite put my finger on why something seemed off. It hit me, she was accepting their touch but she was not reciprocating it. She was not trying to hold their hand. She wasn’t wrapping her hands around theirs. She wasn’t preening, there was no isopraxism, strong eye contact was avoided, and to sum it up she was lacking attraction and intimacy towards both of them. Both the guys were trying to get a reciprocating touch; she didn’t hold their hand when they reached. They were making moves but she wasn’t reciprocating. You guys should definitely pay attention to not only whether she accepts the touch, comfortable with it, but also make sure she reciprocates touch.
You guys may not notice this at all, but sometimes a girl isn’t encouraging anything but comfortable and enjoying the attention. In other words she wasn’t saying no don’t touch me, but wasn’t reciprocating the touch, she wasn’t adding intimacy or sexual tension to the situation. She wasn’t leaning towards them with her torso, but she appeared neutral to them. She didn’t discourage or encourage this kind of behavior (made it a hard read, usually accepting is a step towards escalation), this happens sometimes, the only things that you can do are pay attention and try not to become too “pushy”.
Both men were putting their work in; Going for intimate areas, more importantly going for ownership areas. They would put their arm around her. Find ways to block her attention from me or my friend. She was open for a hook up, and made that abundantly clear with her literal words and signals that she was looking for a guy. You guys will notice dominant males protecting a woman by blocking attention or standing in front of you physically, and metaphorically as well.
I noticed she was making strong eye contact with me on the bus. I dismissed this because of the guys she was with. She flirted a little, but she was a flirt, I made some comments flirted back. We made eye contact and I noticed when we made eye contact she did the hair whip (whipped her hair around). All of you guys should be noticing the head whip sign by now, it is everywhere.
She was preening, looking to catch attention, and bringing attention to her face. The only issue was figuring out who the sign was dedicated to. I suspected it was for me based on her grin when we made eye contact. You could see the corners of her mouths pulled up, it was apparent that smile was for me and nobody else.
I am sure you guys have been in a situation where it was difficult to distinguish who the message was meant for. All you can do is look to see who she smiles at (truly, smiling eyes and turned up corners of the mouth) and makes the best eye contact with. Look for touch or reach in these situations.
Another time when we spoke and made eye contact, she straightened her hair preening. She also turned her head slightly as she smiled. At some point she pushed her knee up against the crevice between the seats as if to push closer to me in the only way she could, extending her hand on her leg. She was reaching for me. I still wasn’t confident in the signs; after all she had two guys all over her.
We arrived at the town. To be continued….